awwww Ichabod. how well I understand.
I have been out of my marriage to XAH for 4 years, have been active in al-anon, received counseling, surrounded myself with healthy people, done most of the right things.
even with all the recovery under my belt, I still have moments that i'm shook to the core.
I am now dealing with the resentment of having to deal with triggers that living with my husband made visible to me about myself.
feel like I've been left to deal with his crap that he created.
but........i'm learning to accept that this will probably be part of me for the rest of my life. and I have to think of it in a way that allows me to be the vicar. for example....I may still have those characteristic traits, and I know they will flare from time to time, but I also recognize that I never have to live THAT life again.
it's ok for me to de-rail from time to time, as long as I steer everything right back onto the road again.