Hi Runnerbean....have you stopped drinking? Because it will make the depression worse.
Sorry you drank again. What makes you pick up again? I think sometimes if we have a stint of sobriety we think we can tangle with alcohol again and stop again successfully.
I'm wondering what tricks you into thinking the outcome is going to be any different when you know you are an alcoholic? I ask this question kindly...I don't mean to sound harsh...it's not meant that way.
Are you finding it hard to face that you really are an alcoholic and you really can't drink?
It does get harder to stop, the side effects are unpredictable....I doubted this...til I experienced some pretty damn scary and relentless heart palpitations. And that was after only 3 drinks, and happened a couple of hours after I'd actually finished the last drink.
I finally accepted my body cannot tolerate alcohol, there's no fun times ahead if I include alcohol in my life....and that AV is just a voice, it's not me, it's not who I want to be or what I want for my life.
Wishing you well....come talk to us if you want to drink, mate. You have support here.