Thank you all for your comments. I saw my therapist yesterday and spent time with extended family last night. I do take an anti-depressant and have for years. Although I have found out that while I was drinking 1.75 lt of Capt'n every 2 days my meds weren't working. I was taken off my anti-anxiety meds because the dose I was on apparently is dangerous and causes one to crave alcohol anyway. Who would have thought! My therapist said we do need to address my anxiety because it was turning me into an agoraphobic person. I thought I was just shy. At 44 I have found I need to learn a lot about myself. I have struggled with relationships since my divorce in 2008 (shocker!) and usually only dated men associated with bars. So I'm alone with myself more now than ever. That is why I feel so lost. But I know this is best for me. In my line of work and in public, you would never know I had all of these issues. I did a GREAT job of hiding how I really felt because I felt like I was the only one. I'm thankful to have found this site and am looking forward to being sober for the rest of my life as well. Again - thank you all SO much for commenting! It really means a lot to know people care who truly understand how I feel!!!!