I feel your pain, seriously. It's one thing to be able to talk yourself out of feelings of guilt, shame, and remorse (which is important because the past can't possibly be changed and all you have is right now). It's quite another to be able to face the fallout from how your actions have affected those closest to you. Nothing can heal that but time, and patience. All you are capable of doing is the best you can do, which of course includes staying off the booze. The AV will try to discourage you and tell you you're damned if you do and damned if you don't, so you might as well drink up. Do not listen to that nonsense. That's another reason, as far as your own peace of mind is concerned, to not dwell on your losses. You shouldn't make others feel guilty for reminding you how much pain you've caused - you have to be patient with them - but you can keep from beating yourself up over it. It's important that you do.