They say "There are no musts in Alanon", but I think we may have just found one.
If it makes you feel any better, They aren't suppose to show up drunk to AA either. I was waiting for my husband once and watched as a woman firmly escorted an inebriated attendee into the room I was waiting in. "Wait Here" she said "I'll talk to you when I get out of the meeting." She then looked at me and whispered "She always does this."
I would have loved to have seen the look on my face when I realized that I had been left alone with a drunk that was not my own, at the one place I thought I was sure to be free of them. I felt like I was on a hidden camera show.
I think, Tim56, the more important question is going to arise when he sobers up. Is he still going to want to go to meetings with you? Alanon is for YOU. It's for YOUR recovery. Taking him to an Alanon meeting wouldn't be that different from an alcoholic taking alcohol to an AA meeting. Will he accept "no" when he's sober. If not, you may want to consider what many, many, many other people unfortunately have to do. Fib about it. You won't be the only one at the meeting who's qualifier is in the dark.
Good luck to you, and please, don't give up. Alanon is such an important part of my own recovery. I hope it can be for you, too.