Hi and welcome phoenixbot
I could never make the choice either - losing two careers never helped me make the choice...neither did two failed long term relationships, or spending my last $20 on booze instead of food.
My body made the choice for me in the end. I nearly died.
You have a chance to get of the runaway train *before* it crashes - take it phoenixbot - the first step just may be hit that meeting?
D