How and when does it get better?
I'm new to this sight and am already so thankful for the stories, experiences and advice I have read through. Up until now I have felt completely alone in a losing battle. Four years ago I reunited (by chance with the help of Facebook) with my very first teenage love. It had been 22 years since we had lost touch. The moment I saw him I immediately fell back in love -as if I was 15 again. The first 6 months were incredible but i couldn't help to feel that he was hiding something. He eventually admitted to me that he was a crack addict and had been for 15+ years.
The last 3 1/2 years of our relationship has been filled with mostly fights, lies, stealing, break ups and make ups. I have done everything to try and get him help but realized that if he doesn't want to stop - nothing I do or say will help -so I have stopped trying. At 42 years old -his drug usage has physically taken its toll and he is having kidney, heart and lung problems. He is in need of a pacemaker but needs to be clean for a few weeks to have the strength for the surgery. He's had numerous "close calls" after binging and ends up in the hospital only to stay clean for a week or so and go right back to using. Doctors have told him that he will die if he doesn't stop but crack has too strong a hold on him. I have decided that I can't continue to stand by and watch him kill himself. I've threatened to leave him before but end up giving in after 1-2 weeks. I've blocked his calls and haven't spoken with him in 1 week. What can I do to stay strong and not give in again. He is not going to get clean and he has hurt me in so many ways - but I am still in love with him and feel like I'm giving up when he needs me most.