The only thing that's worked for us with reconnecting on any level is his relapse. Sick. I hate that. WHY NOW is he finally willing to talk to me? I do.not.recommend this approach. He had 3 1/2 months sober before his relapse.
As his rehab counselor said, he's doing what's natural. Birds fly, fish swim, alcoholics drink. To drink is natural. To not drink is not natural and takes a lot of work. My husband hasn't been putting in that work with his recovery; he has been right back to normal with the job "needing" all his attention. It doesn't get his full attention when he's drinking, but that's beside the point when their brain is in active addiction.
Congrats to both of you for working on your own healing!
Check the stickies at the top of the Friends and Family forum about abuse. I never thought they pertained to me. I finally figured out those little "digs" are emotional abuse. That's been the biggest thing holding up my recovery. I finally called a DV hotline this week and reaching out was really good for me. Even after it stopped, I'm still effected by it.
Also this book:
Respect Me Rules
You might also do a search for PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome). Learning about that also helped me a lot. He's not able to be there for me right now. It's okay to build my own support system for myself. For a while I thought he didn't love me at all anymore. Now I realize he does, and so does he, but he sure doesn't love himself yet.
The one thing that is truly working for me is working my own recovery. That, no matter what else, is very worthwhile.