zach4677

I am just starting day 3 and my head is just spinning with thoughts. I had my first big test today and went to a party after my meeting tonight. I left just after a few minutes because the cravings just got too intense and I didn't want to break my sobriety.
But it got me to thinking and start to remember why I started drinking. In high school I was the socially awkward guy who creeped people out. I started drinking to help myself in social situations my freshman year in college. Fast forward 4 years and now full fledged alcoholic trying to recover.
I figured out today that alcohol controlled my life a lot more than I ever thought. That for the past few years it pretty much was part of my life. It was my life and everything revolved around it. I gotta figure out who I actually am and today I learned I really don't know who I am.

The second thing that is on my mind is that 3 years ago today I got engaged to my now ex fiancée. That relationship with her is what drove me full fledged alcoholic. After a year of crap nightshift job and living with her, she cheated on me and kicked me out. Just harboring resentment against her and not dealing with the anger well and I started drinking everyday. Its pretty ironic that we talked about resentment at my meeting tonight seeing what day it is. I feel like its something that is part of the core of my problem and something I need to fix during my recovery

I don't mean to ramble on and on but like I said im socially awkward and very shy and couldn't get this off my chest at my meeting tonight