How does anyone work out what to do, I dunno, but I have realised being sober helps, and staying sober is only one persons job, your own. I struggle when my hubbie drinks, but he is doing it lot less, I am dreading when he goes overboard again, or maybe he wont as it was all my fault?? Everything seems clearer when sober, but still messy and full of descisions.. durrrr.. being drink made it all glide by in a haze!!!
Maybe now we'll have to make some descisions and choices - good luck!