Codependency has reared it's ugly head AGAIN
How do I get out? I keep leaving, but then keep going back. I love him., but the fact is, I've only been seeing him for 10 months, and I don't think two days have gone by that I have not seen him with a drink in his hand . Yet, I keep justifying to myself that's only a small problem, but I know my heart that it's not. Why can't I be strong enough to walk away? Why am I so weak? I love him. He treats me so kind. I love his teenage sons. His family is do nice. My friends think I am so lucky to have him..."because they encounter much worse with dating". I have never actually seen him drunk, but I know he is drinking at home when I am not with him. I see him drink beer and wine like water...I mean not sipping it gulping. I stopped "snooping for three weeks"...now I just "wonder" how much scotch is gone from the basement fridge....and it's killing me because I am trying to trust and not snoop...so instead what I see in front of me is a "drink" always in sight.
I am seeing a therapist, but it will take some time. We have too much in common, that I use it as justification as to why we should stay together and deal with this small problem. I rationalize and justify constantly thinking nobody is perfect, and if I found someone else...I would just find something wrong...so I tell myself to suck it up...it could be worse. So, I keep coming backup SR spilling my guts looking like the fool that I am. Maybe his problem isn't that bad...yeah, just keep telling myself that. Just keep lying to myself. Not cool.