Hi, SBS, welcome to SR. I'm unemployed, living in the dumpiest place I ever have. There's no hot water, no stove or microwave, just a hotplate, no air conditioning to ease the heat and humidity of Florida summers... you get the picture. Nevertheless, I'm extremely grateful to have a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in, and a small room with a door that I can shut when I need privacy. Not to mention an internet connection.
Twenty years ago I had a five-bedroom house, a high-powered job, a stellar reputation and all the comforts that go along with those things. Still I was unhappy. See, I had already been drinking heavily for 15 years (I had my first drink at 14 and was NEVER a "normal" drinker.) I was "functioning" in life, having babies, climbing the corporate ladder in record pace, serving on boards at my church and in the community, but I was unhappy.
I won't get into the series of events that led from where I was then to where I was now. I'll just say that rarely did I attribute to alcohol my misery or the unfortunate events that cost me my job, my marriage, my money, my stuff, and so on. There was always something/somebody else to blame to rationalize my situation.
Now, 37 years in to my alcoholism, I'm finally willing to admit that drinking directly and significantly contributes to my life being far less than what I want it to be. I CANNOT have what I want (good relationships with the people I love, peace of mind, enough money to live anywhere near comfortably into my old age) until and unless I stop drinking. So that's what I'm doing and it's not easy AT ALL, but with the support of the people here in SR and the willingness to take advice and actually DO THINGS that support my recovery I feel confident that I'm gonna get better. And that confidence gives me hope for the future that I haven't felt in decades. I like that feeling; I NEVER got that from alcohol.
Anyway, didn't know I was gonna write a book when I started typing this. Hope there's something useful to you in my ramblings. You might want to check out the Class of April, 2014 thread in Newcomers to Recovery. There's a bunch of us in there who are in the very earliest stages of quitting/trying to quit and it's a great group of incredibly fine and supportive people.
Best to you, am glad you posted.