I just was reminded of this post and had to chime in. I found something from AA's Big Book.
pg.24
At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail.
This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected. The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet ob*
scure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago.We are without defense against the first drink.
Loss of the power of choice is specifically referenced in the big book. In my opinion it's the very definition of the disease. The only choice we have is to "surrender" and seek help (AA, higher power, etc).
If I was in your shoes, what I would feel frustrated about is the fact that your co-workers are exhibiting what sounds like value judgments. That these people deserve their fate because they've chosen to be sick. Underlying that is a complete blind-eye to the fact that it's a disease. How would society react if a politician openly said something like that about a
cancer patient? "hey, those cancer patients need to buck up and choose a different path to health." Yep, I personally get the feeling of disgust. Wait a minute, you're blaming the person for their disease? I understand that there's a "choice" to seek help for alcoholics (analogous to a cancer patient going to a doctor). But at the same time, isn't the denial and refusing help actually part of the disease? If a cancer patient has a tumor in their brain (like my friend did) they actually ask you if there was a noticeable change in personality. Would the person get blamed for their behavior? Nope, the disease would. At the same time, if the tumor's pressure on the brain was so "bad" that my friend starts attacking me verbally and physically, wouldn't I still avoid him for my own personal safety (but love him from afar?). I would suppose that amends would be about acknowledging the behavior and to maintain sobriety and stop repeating abusive behavior? Make amends one day at a time?
IMHO, there's a way to be compassionate about the person with the disease of alcoholism but also maintain your own personal boundaries and keeping ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually safe. Your co-workers sound like they're lacking some compassion. Maybe it gets really hard though - maybe they're feeling frustrated at the sickness and point their fingers in the wrong direction - at the people with the sickness. It's frustrating enough with one alcoholic that's dying in my life (my father) and working on my own sobriety. I can't imagine how frustrating it might be if you have much more exposure with people suffering from alcoholism (who are not in recovery). I'm hearing a mixed message from me - hmmm. Maybe some understanding of their frustration might help? Sometimes I get caught up in the fantasy that my dad will get better that he'll come to AA with me and do a literal 180 - or I think wth, why doesn't he get off his a** and seek help? The frustration is understandable. How they treat the alcoholic is another thing entirely though.
Sorry - I think I'm rambling.
Anyways, just my two cents. Take what you like and leave the rest.