Newcomer
Hey Everyone,
I am a newbie here. I admitted to having a problem 7 months ago, but I always manage to find a drink. My largest problem is that I can lie and BELIEVE it as an absolute truth. I need to tell my tale, and the protection of anonymity seems helpful. I have never been honest with any person, but I figure I need to be honest now.
I am in my mid-20's. During college, I engaged in risky behavior - including, psychedelics, pills, intravenous drugs, etc. I graduated nevertheless. During this time I picked up my drinking habit to replace harder drugs. I have tricked myself that alcohol was the "lesser of all evils." I spent many years buying Old English each morning without any qualms. I later went to law school and found myself drinking more than ever (and I was drinking too much already).
I graduated and passed the bar exam in my state. I kept drinking from morning until night. I was living with the woman of my dreams, but constantly lied about my drinking - I take a medication that can resemble the effects of alcohol. I blamed my medication. Eventually, I lost my job and I have searched for work for quite some time. She kicked me out of our apartment, and I moved back in with my parents. I was not sober for 3 months straight. I worked up the courage to return to the state I am licensed in. My EX still loves me; though, I feel "on the hook."
I am living in a dark, dank room with college kids that party every night. I have admitted to myself that I have a problem, but I can't resist the urge to join in. Amongst unemployment, the hope for a relationship that I ruined, and going from living in a wonderful loft to a college house, I find little hope in life.
Everyone has felt rock bottom, but I am comfortable in my misery (which is disturbing). I have turned to this community because there is nowhere else I can go. Any and all advice is welcome and appreciated.