Thanks - it means a lot.
I'm 34, I've seen things through life that shocked me. I work for Social Services (children's rights not a social worker) where I've seen things that have made me angry. Sometimes in work and out I've got too wrapped in an argument to remember where my heart still lay, sometimes I've been the peacemaker to other people's anger.
I've seen mobs of protesters standing outside children's homes - protesting at the presence of the home while I've been inside watching and unable to stop what the protesters are doing to the kids hearts. Did they think those children didn't already know they were considered worthless? Well - hey, just in case a part of them thought they might be wanted - lets paint plackards saying we want them out.
Until yesterday I thought I'd felt the depths of anger, until yesterday I still couldn't understand how someone can murder. I don't want to say why but it wasn't about SR or alcohol, but yesterday I could have easily been the one to hit (if that had been possible) and I don't think I could have stopped. I never intended that emotion to spill over here or anywhere else, I didn't want anyone else to get hurt by it and didn't intend to let that happen. I've never felt rage like that and I'm sure that experiencing it has something to teach me. I still feel angry but I don't want to give into that depth of emotion again.
It did spill over here and whether people were hurt or not my behaviour is my responsibility and I didn't act in a way I believe is fair or right. Each person has their own heart and their own morals, I'm not saying mine are any better than anyone elses but it's mine that I have to live by. The bottom line is that I am sorry and relieved to be welcomed back.