lillamy

I am very much in agreement with this, and like Marie said -- it would be my advice even if he wasn't drinking, if you have the slightest bit of hesitation.

One of my childhood friends was about to get married -- invitations had been sent out, caterer had been contracted with, the whole nine yards -- when one day she walked into her dad's home office and said "Dad. I don't think I can do this."

And her dad -- who was a hardass by all accounts -- looked at her and said, "Honey, if you have even a little bit of hesitation, don't do it. It's better that you find out NOW that you don't want to be married to him than AFTER the wedding."

I know cultures are different -- but whatever shame you may feel by changing the wedding plans... trust me, they will be small fry compared to the heartache and pain of being married to an actively drinking alcoholic. I spent 20 years married to one (partly because I didn't want the shame of being divorced) and that was a hell I would not wish on my worst enemy.

I would say the urgent part is to NOT get married when you have doubts.
The rest of it -- do you stay or do you leave? -- you have time to think that over.

I would suggest starting with getting educated about alcoholism. If he goes back to rehab, maybe they have family programs? If not, you could start going to Al-Anon -- I was recommended going to about a dozen meetings or so without judgment. It's different than I thought when I went to my first meeting -- and if I had decided based on my first couple of meetings, I wouldn't have gone back. Eight years after my first meeting, I credit Al-Anon and this board with saving my sanity.

I would say the most important part right now for you may be to really listen to what YOU want. It's so easy to get distracted by what a partner, parents, and friends want and say and think. Listen to your gut on this, and if you're in doubt, don't marry him -- yet.