I don't think a written list is unreasonable. I had to do it when I talked with my rAH. (I posted about it briefly). He tends to get me off track and manipulate things and I wanted to stay to the points (and I used the "I" method also). I wish you luck. I wish mine would look into therapy (individual and jointly, I have been going on my own for a year now). It was one of my stipulations in him moving back home after rehab. He never even brought it up again after the initial conversation (same with most of the issues). I waited and waited.
I think it would have really helped to have a third party to navigate the path (one way or another), but again, this is my wish and he isn't interested so I have to move on. He can't or wont do what is needed in the relationship and I can't continue to do it all and be unhappy. He has the right to live the way he wants and so do I and the two paths are far, far apart.