I realize I can't go for more than a couple of days without something to do. I'm well aware that tomorrow is my five months anniversary, and the AV has been pooping in with random thoughts: "Oh, here's a liquor store. You could buy some." Yes, I could--but I don't want to be drunk. Last night I was at a ladies' meeting at the local Wegmans supermarket (they have an eating area upstairs). We dismissed at 9 and I did some shopping afterward; the store was deserted. There was wine all around. The seafood bar in that store is where I relapsed last May. i just really had a pang to buy and have a bottle of wine. But I don't have any desire to get all drunk, which is the only thing I do with wine. I certainly don't have any desire to sip a glass.
The temptation is hitting me: it's crazy and irrational. When i used to smoke dope, half of the attraction was the paraphernalia: the bongs, the pipes, the screens, the papers, the rolling. I think it's the same with wine. I liked the ritual of getting the wine late at night or 6am when the supermarket opened.
i just don't bother with that stuff anymore. It's all an illusion, as I like to say. Tomorrow I'll be starting on a meaty class at school--something to feed my spirit. It has been a long time.