Hello everyone, and thanks again, so much. When I tried to reply on another thread, I received the message that I can't do that until I have posted 25 messages. I'm assuming that's not true for this thread, since I started it?
I stayed alcohol free for nearly 25 years, and relapsed in 2007. Went back to AA and stayed sober for over a year, then had a few brief relapses, recovered, and then relapsed again in July, 2012.
Took a trip with my partner last May. He'd been sober for 25 years, but decided that he wanted to experiment with wine on that vacation. He didn't even know that I had started drinking again almost a year earlier. Since his primary residence is in another state, it was easy for me to hide it from him, but I felt dishonest. Keeping secrets is bad for me. We were high school sweethearts for four years, and then he re-entered my life in 2011 (after we had married other people and raised our children to adulthood.) Had not seen each other in decades! But true love never dies.
Experimenting with wine quickly accelerated to having cocktails before dinner, and beer with lunch. I discovered that our drinking patterns are almost identical. We have a great time, lively conversations, and the illusion "we're okay" stuck with us. But when he went back home for a month, I began drinking more heavily and was hospitalized for four days (detox.) Stayed sober for two months, but when we took two more vacations together in November and December, I relapsed again.
Have been watering down the wine (and occasional bottles of vodka) with either lots of water, or tonic water, or Diet 7-up, hoping to wean myself off the alcohol that way, rather than guzzling straight alcohol. Afraid of the withdrawals, of course but know that my body will fall apart if I keep doing this.
Cannot drive with any alcohol in my system, having had my first DUI in 2009. I've taken taxis to where I need to go, rather than risk getting another one. I keep reminding myself, "automatic jail time with the second DUI". The first one was extremely costly! Thousands of dollars! Spending one night in jail was a nightmare. I keep remembering that experience as an incentive to get sober and stay sober.
Thanks for listening. Just wanted you to know more about my story.
Have read so many supportive words offered in the threads I've been reading here for hours. Those words are helping me!