I'm so sorry. It's so hard to do what we need to do for ourselves. You are right - the feelings just get in the way and cloud our thinking. What has helped me the most is coming here daily to read and to get support. The behavior of A's is all so similar. It's much easier to see when someone else is being mistreated and it helps me see things clearer in my own relationship. I still get sucked in sometimes and it's still difficult and sad but every single day gets easier and there is not a day I regret separating. I feel so much healthier. It also helps to do things for yourself, take care of yourself make that your focus. When I finally understood I couldn't control his drinking and stopped putting so much energy into it, it became easier to detach. I could put that energy into myself.