Originally Posted by
amy55 
Let me continue with what I had originally started
As a newcomer, I am here looking for validation, looking for a place to talk and feel safe, would really like to vent also. You see, I have been in my situation for so long, I only know what I am use to. I don't have any tools to work with, except for the tools that I am currently working with, and I know that they aren't working, so I am coming here to seek knowledge, but I may be slow at times, you see, the way I have been doing things, well, it's kinda ingrained in me. Perhaps since childhood, perhaps my many years of marriage. I may be in denial at times, but sometimes, I think, not that much, since why would I be seeking out help, if I thought I knew everything.
Please don't condemn me for what I am doing, it's the only thing that I know. It may take me a while, but I am looking for friends and support, you see, I have none. I have isolated myself so much, I have no one to talk to.
Oh my gosh, Amy.
I'm not really all that much of a newcomer, but I started to cry tonight reading this. It feels like you were advocating for me specifically. I thought maybe you posted this in response to the way another member responded to my recent thread, but I see that you wrote this several days before I wrote my thread.
When I read a response the other day, I felt very defeated and self destructive. I felt like a bad mom. It is definitely not that person's fault that I feel attacked or that I reacted in a self destructive manner, but I sure didn't need to hear honesty in that manner. It just wasn't helpful. I had a boss once who would say, "It's not what you say. It's HOW you say it." Certainly there is a happy medium to find in that too, but I think it's a great guideline.
I do come here for support and validation. I do come here for ES&H. That's what I'll be benefiting from the most. Without me explaining every little detail of my whole life, people here might not know what is progress for me. I think we need to keep that in mind with our responses.
Some of us are very slow too. I am slow in every area of my life. My XAStepfather, my father, all authority figures, and my XA have all made sure that I know this is a very undesirable character defect. I don't really need anyone else to add to my shame about this, especially since it's MY recovery.
I absolutely agree that moms need to get emotionally healthy before we can really be totally sane and responsible regarding our children's emotional well-being.
And yes, I wouldn't be asking the questions if I already had the answers.