Rationalization
Today's my 9th day clean. I am a binge (not daily) drinker and alcohol has got me nothing but trouble and suffering in my life. The last few hangovers were really bad. Sweating, racing heart etc.
I started training heavily a week ago to the point of severe DOMS and was in bed alternate days between going to the gym. I'm also trying to eat healthy.
But sadly my brain has started the same old tricks again today. It's rationalizing. I don't know how to stop it as when combined with the desire to drink (craving) it is very powerful for that period of time, 20-40 minutes.
These are some of the things I am telling myself to try to trick myself into having a drink. "You need a social life, you can't exist solely between apartment and gym." "Entertainment" "Release" "Catharsis" etc.
I know that my behavior will change radically after having the first couple of drinks. I have no hope of moderation. It will be another binge if I give in and that will wreak havoc on my body.
I also feel like eating some comfort fast food. I've been literally living on salads, boiled chicken and lentil soup all week.
Also in my mind I told myself that this clean run should last till June 1. Am I setting too hard a goal of nearly 2 months as my personal best is 18 days outside of rehab? Even if I do make it to June 1 I have serious doubts about what next. I think that maybe taking the time for a 5 day break (like 25th-30th of every month) may be worth experimenting with.