Just wondering. Some aspects of it really match my views, although some of them might be considered extreme, totally opposite to AA and Al-Anon.
So, a few weeks ago, I set an ultimatum: no more drinking or no more marriage. When I did this, I knew nothing about Rational Recovery. Then last night, I find this:
Imagine yourself telling him this:
I’ve decided I won’t tolerate your drinking/using any longer. From this moment, if you drink even one more drop of alcohol, or have one more fix of drugs, I will (PLAN B). You must now choose between your addiction and family membership. You don’t have to answer me immediately, but I do have to know by tomorrow at noon.
Plan B is an action you will definitely take once you know that she is continuing to drink/use. It can be divorce, separation, child custody, separate rooms, financial severance, or anything you believe is appropriate. However, the strongest Plan B is the best one, because there is no chance that she will quit because she loves you or cares about you. It is only herself that she cares about, and only fear will inspire her to summarily quit her addiction.
When I set the ultimatum, I was honestly (and still am) fed up. I do not want that crap in my home anymore, around me. With or without him. I do have that power, to decide what will be a part of my life and what won't. And it is true: While addicted, it is only themselves they care about. And they expect everyone else sacrifice and do the same, to accommodate their little needs. And when you finally refuse, you can see that little demon of addiction trying to stay inside of your spouse, to persuade you, to blackmail you emotionally. Why does it remind me of an exorcism? But after 8 years, I have nothing to lose anymore.
The only thing I do not get about this is how do they expect me to tell him about the approach, show him the website, make him read? Of course I cannot control that.