Letting go vs. wanting to know.
Years of being in the thick of it...it is hard not to wish you could just check on this person who was such a central part of your world and yes you loved. I hope he is well and wish him the best but my senses and knowing our old rhythm feels like I need to check and I need to be there for him....not my job to clean up any more. My over caring meant there was always someone to help him but left me burned out and asking myself what kind of mom would subject her kids to this.
Right now there is quiet so I feel like I can reflect on things. I will resist being sucked into the next round of drama...can I dream that I won't hear about it and can remain oblivious? Not denial just not my life anymore?