Hi pams, I can relate to lots in your post, including coming to regular drinking relatively late in life, and drinking a bottle of wine a night.
It took me many tries over the years where I would stop drinking for a while, then gradually ramp up again, before I faced the fact that I can never drink again because I won't stop at one glass. When I was drinking my day was based around looking forward to the first glass, and going straight to the bottle shop on the way home.
Once I stopped drinking permanently it was much easier and more relaxing, and I never want to go back.