Hello all..first of all, regardless of my path and all the rest, wanted to say thanks to all of you that keep a place like this going.
Now then...
My drug history started in the early 90's with ciggs and a few drinks, but kicked into higher gear at 15 when i was introduced to pot.
From there I would later get into cocaine and although that never did it for me, in my early 20's I was spending money each week on crack and booze, just to escape my life.
Eventually I quite the heavy drugs but never really gave up on the pot.
Most of my issues have been revealed through counseling to be the results of years of abuse, isolation, abandonment and co-dependency. Matter of fact, only time I have been totally off drugs is when I am on another high, which is living my life through other's goals and wants.
During that time my physical health got worse as I have major issues with my feet and legs but my mom's exp in hospitals dying of MS and myown messed up head make me weird about getting help, but I can barely work and make nothing.
I live in the house with my former abuser, my father, after being thrown out of a house I lived in for six years helping my ex raise her kids...
Simply put, my life has been a maze of hurt and addictions and although I am coming out of it, it is hard and hurts like hell...
But now to why am I posting.
This forum was suggested to me by my counselor many months ago, I came in and lurked but never posted.
Today I am out of cash as they cut me to two days and I am trapped in this room (I would have to go into detail about all that but for the sake of brevity I'll leave most details out for now) and out of pot.
When I am out of pot the mental pain becomes worse and I just wanna hide with the smoking and escape...but right now I can't and I know at some point soon I will be in another hell on top of the hell I am already in...not sure if I can stay off it, but right now I need some help.
Cheers and again, thanks for having me!!
