I realized my RAH was probably Codie last year during some reading. So now he keeps telling me, "I always let you do your own thing. You run, you take classes, you XYZ." And he says this in a tone that makes me think, "You wanted me to sit in the garage and watch you drink? I was detaching for some normality. What do you want now? For me to sit in the garage and watch you smoke? ". Yes I think he wants me at his beck and call.
But then I wonder, I really do just do my own thing. Maybe I take advantage of it? But then I think of all the Angry denial that none of his "allergy" impacted me or DS. I think of all the arguments with me pretty much begging for marriage counseling, admitting I am lonely in our marriage and no intimacy. Not even cuddled or held. So something is wrong with him. I have done all I can do. The next think I probably need to learn is how to let go. I keep working my steps and I can't pick all the blame up. I really can't apologize for kicking him out last year because I did it for my sanity - not his. He sees everything from his POV and it is muddled with beer and other emotions that are not for me to guess at.
So I lived with some detachment with an active A, but I am catching some heck for it in early recovery. What do I do? Book a trip in May without H!!
