I know exactly what you’re going through. I’m willing to bet that for many of those years during his addiction, you were one of the only people in his life that was trying to get him to become sober…one of the only ones in his life that truly cared what he was doing to himself and his health.
The fact that you were one of the only ones to care about his well-being made him push you away further, and made him hate and revile you for simply showing concern for his alcohol abuse. I bet much of the pain you felt while you were with him was due to your inability to get him to see how much you were trying to HELP him, not hurt him…while everyone else in his life was enabling, and couldn’t really care less about him, it was you that was enduring your own hell and trying to get him to see the damage he was doing.
Now that lives are separated and changed, he doesn’t see your past for the truth of you trying to help him…he only sees it as you trying to get in his way. You were, and still are, the enemy (to his alcohol abuse). He probably hates a few other people in his life that have seen through the veil and have tried to help him out of sincerity…and all they got for their efforts were what you currently get…hate and non-appreciation.
You (and all of us that are associated with an A) don’t deserve the feedback we get from our A’s after all the dust is settled. In many cases, we were the only ones in their lives that really DID love and care for them, and we get got/get nothing but heartache in return.
Deserved or not, it doesn’t matter what our A’s think of us, at the end of the day. As long as we’re satisfied that we did everything we could to try, we just have to let go and let them do their hating. The only people we have to look at in the mirror is ourselves, so smile at yourself, love yourself, and our A’s opinions of us don’t really matter. You're doing awesome!