Codejob, I will admit that I am codependent and sought therapy at the same time she sought therapy for addiction. She came out and stated she was not an alcoholic and I was taught to set boundaries, which I did through counseling and the Family Program that Pavillon offered.
I am sure in the early stages I was even more codependent but even that backfired. Through my counselors advice it was her responsibility to get her car towed from the field and it was her that should bail herself out of jail. Now, I hear that I should have bailed her out faster and you did not love me to come get me fast enough.
My family gave her a job, just to work with customers in a consignment store....she loved it at first and then it became a sore subject because my family works too hard or brother is too lazy, etc. She always had the option of finding something else but never took it. I made that clear with my entire family.
At the family program we were asked to set boundaries and here is where I am to blame in some fashion. My boundaries were that I would not live in your relapse or active addiction. I reiterated this when she relapsed and simply said if you want to come home, you need to give me a plan for God, recovery and marriage. My mistake, because I broke my word on boundaries. Divorce papers were a codependent effort, I agree. I just hoped to see a brave response and that may be selfish, but bravely I stood by her when her parents offered her know help. I take that responsibility. Now, I feel I just have to stick with the boundaries I set.
We had to read those boundaries in front of a group at Pavillon and when I read them, I can tell you it was most unsettling to her in the form of anger and not "I get it".