Originally Posted by
Stung 
You're all hitting on points that ring very true for me (…I say this typing from my bed with both kids in it watching cartoons…5:45 AM wake up call anyone, we'll go bake breakfast and get our day started at 7:00 like other non nocturnal creatures).
I'm in this place right now with my 2 year old and it is something that I have been so completely against since I became a parent. I just was so exhausted from dealing with the alcoholic drama and then baby DD was born and since then I've been letting DD2 have her way more often than I should. I'm trying to back peddle with her now, but that takes much more effort than letting her have her way. Even worse, when RAH is here he really lets her walk all over him because he feels guilty for being away. We're in some bad cycles in this regard.
This is also me, and I'm struggling with this. My husband, for all intents and purposes, is being a really good guy lately. I'll be honest though, I'm afraid to enjoy and take advantage of it. It's leaving me with this weird feeling now though that he's getting a lot better and now I'm stuck. I think I need to just take advantage of things as they are - good - and stop being afraid that they're going to change - bad. The only bad in this family at the moment is from me, to me, caused by me.
Firesprite, last night I actually found a bit you wrote that was spot on for me:
I am poor me-ing like crazy right now. Poor single mom me. While it is challenging, I do have some opportunities here to give myself what I need and I am just not taking the opportunities.
I was reading a little bit about self sabotage and to my MAJOR shock and revelation, shopping is a huge self sabotage theme (I shop and "treat" myself with shopping all the time, funny that all that shopping isn't really making me feel any better even though I tell myself it is. I'm just stuffing my closets grossly beyond capacity) and I feel no hesitation about buying myself "stuff" but I feel guilty at the idea of getting a $20 pedicure. [And I've kind of previously noticed earlier this week that I've been shopping more than really necessary this week and last and funny how I'm feeling like crap right now. I'm trying to feel better in a way that doesn't help anything at all and completely ignoring what I really do need. Self sabotage.]
Today, I'm going to go force myself to go get a pedicure and then go take a yoga class and then sit in the steam room. Because I KNOW that happy mom = happy kids but I'm not practicing what I so often preach. Time to make some ch-ch-ch-changes.
Thank you again, peeps. Seriously don't know what I would do without you guys!
UH Oh, you just called me out on my bad habit that I've been battling for a few months now: SHOPPING! I went to dinner with an Al Anon friend last night and I shared with her how I am overshopping and stuffing my closet with stuff that I really don't need, albeit the stuff is quite cute and trendy, LOL.
I have to be honest with myself and about my justifications as to why I was doing what I was doing:
1. If my marriage doesn't work out and I wind up single with no income I won't be able to buy clothes so I better stock up now just in case I meet someone else.
Reality check: UMM, I'm in no position emotionally to even consider being in another relationship so why am I preparing for one when I'm still MARRIED, DUH!
Justification 2:
If I wind up single, I may have to interview and that requires decent dress shoes, pretty blouses to go with my suits, etc. I don't want to be stuck not having anything to wear to an interview or to a new job.
Reality check 2: I may not find a job that requires dress clothes or the type of clothing I am purchasing. I have plenty of friends my size and could possibly borrow clothes for interviews, etc.
Reality check again: What if I gain or lose weight drastically? Then all that money spent on the clothes goes out the window and I have to start all over again!
Justification 3:
Sometimes shopping is just a big F U to my AH. If he finds it acceptable to spend 40 bucks at the bar every night he's traveling, then why can't I spend 40 bucks on a pair of shorts and a few blouses, right?
Reality check...AGAIN: What's my motive? Am I really trying to screw my husband over or am I just shopping to fill a void? And, that's where the introspection and self reflection come in. I am working on this particular issue this month actually so it really struck a chord with me. Sorry for going off topic on your thread, Stung, but my head was screaming,"OMG, me too! And, I know I need to address it, too!!!"
I hope you enjoy your pedicure and yoga, too!! I got my toes done yesterday and it was worth it. I also went to yoga a few days ago, then went on a brutal difficult hike on Friday and I'm still sore. I need to find a yoga class again today, LOL.