Going to give sobriety another try.
Hi, I just stumbled across this community and looks like there's some good advice here so thought I'd join up. My names Ben, and I'm 23.
I'm only 3 days sober, I was outta money and puking my guts out again having panic attacks and cold sweats and all I could think about is "why am I doing this to myself?"
I know I have a problem, and people say that's a good step in the right direction, but I'm not feeling too confident about myself because I went through a short stint of sobriety before (3-4 months or so). I started working out and feeling alright about myself, but it's like I'm not able to keep grasp of that motivation, I'll have some personal problems then I'll start justifying to myself "Oh, look at how far you went sober, you can just treat yourself to a few drinks and a pack of cigs, you'll continue your sobriety tomorrow." but a couple drinks turns into a 1.75 of whisky, I do some dumb crap or just pass out and wake up feeling like crap fiending for another drink and put an "extension" on my vacation from sobriety.
Then after my binge I'll be afraid to quit because I've had some pretty bad withdrawals in the past, urinating dark brown, shaking, hallucinations of shadows following me and that doom was inevitable.
I've got into fights ending up detox, crashed into a semi head on at 35mph on a bridge and got my license revoked, arguments with loved ones, punching a best friend in the face, breaking into someone's apartment claiming I'm a private investigator..etc. the list could go on of all the dumb crab that keeps happening to me when I'm drunk, but out of the bad times there's some good times too I guess I'd like to think.. I have a lot of depression and social anxiety and it makes me be able to relax and enjoy myself for at least a little bit.
I just got a paycheck today and I was actually considering going and getting some booze, I was telling myself that I'll just get beer so it's almost impossible for me to get wasted. I'm just not sure what to do anymore, I feel like a zombie when I'm sober, I don't want anyone to be around me, I'm like a lifesucker, but then again I don't want them to be around me drunk either.
Now I'm just rambling on, I apologize. I just wanted to share some of my experiences I've had with alcohol.