Who am I ?
Not sure who I am anymore. Inside I'm critical of my husband but realise, he hasn't changed, he has always been the same in all the years we've been married.
When I first stopped drinking I wanted everything right, I had got that crutch thrown in the skip, I wanted everything else sorted. But it isn't. It's just the beginning, in a good way.
I can deal with being sober now, but reading what brain and jus wrote yesterday 'figure out how to deal with life sober' and 'shaping my life around alcohol'.
I lived the latter, thankfully not anymore and now I'm learning, very slowly to deal with life sober. I know that I don't know who I am anymore.
Then I read about Rhonda, rip, who I never had the pleasure of meeting. The strength she had staying sober I know I would not have that strength at this time with any devastating news and realise my problems are but a small pebble to Rhonda's.
If I hadn't been coming to sr I would have been a wreck, I would have left or parted with husband, I may have started drinking, I may have had enough.
Something, help from you guys and some survival instinct inside me, makes me mindful that we get down days, I used to blot them out with booze, then have more down days, vicious circle.
I read on sr 'don't make any life changing decisions at least until you are a year sober'. That is such a valuable lesson for me and though I've a few months before I'm a year sober I realise it makes such sense.
I put booze in my system for a lot of years, getting worse the last two or so years, my body and mind must be all over the place, so I can on, learning, finding myself, mostly good days some great days and an odd down day.
But, never a 'full of regrets', hungover, drunk and disorderly day, thank God xx
That's got be worth it's weight in gold.