That's funny. Since I have blocked his number for days, I sit here and wonder if he texts or calls. I know it's dumb and a waste of then. He's probably drunk by now. He is sopposed to come take the kids tomorrow for late lunch. Honesty, I'm not sure I can see him. There is so much pain in my heart. I know this has to happen sooner or later. I have a great support system and I can contact them to and have them talk me out of unblocking the number.
It's just I'm so used to fixing, trying to convince him to come back to us (pathetic I know), and eventually telling him I will change. It's like I don't know what to do with myself anymore.
And he had that shoulder surgery - I wonder how he's doing.
But the rational BRAIN, NOT THE HEART, says it's all his problem. I don't need to waste one more minute worrying about anything he does. He's a grown man and can take care of himself. He says he wants this divorce - so he can have freedom, have the weight of me nagging and not accepting his 'weakness'. My mind races. I need to shut it down!! Think of positive things.
I really hate this. I have chosen to participate in this life for years - and I don't know how to start living without enabling - I have to fill my time.
Thanks for listening everyone -