I can really relate to this. I feel that same uneasiness when things seem to be going well. We once had an al anon meeting on this. For me I got used to living in chaos and I had no faith that life could be good. It was easier to just accept the bad than live with the anxiety that my world would shift and I would feel that crushing disappointment. I tend to hoard money "just in case." Not the worst thing I could hoard by a long shot but it means I tend to deprive myself.
You do deserve that i-pad. Enjoy it!