SWIM was never the kind of person who needed drugs. SWIM drank socially maybe three or four times per year. Smoked weed once in a blue moon. SWIM never ever thought he'd wind up addicted to drugs.
SWIM will be 30 on the 24th of April and has always been a happy and active person who never suffered from depression or anxiety.
But SWIM started trying hydrocodone pills as early as 2010 just for recreation and to deal with some minor stress. SWIM wasn't taking them regularly until 2012 though. SWIM started switching between hydrocodone and Tramadol. Whenever he'd run out of one, he'd go to the other.
But never in high doses. Average dose of Hydrocodone was about 20mg and the average dose of Tramadol was about 100-150mg. Recently, SWIM got to a point where he needed about 30-40mgs of Hydrocodone to get through the day and now he realizes he has to stop.
But he never knew just how dangerous stopping was.
Now he's reading about how some people go through PAWS for the rest of their lives. About how PAWS never really goes away. SWIM is terrified he'll never be normal again.
See, when SWIM tries to quit, he doesn't even experience the acute withdrawals. Some irregular bowel movements, minor aches and pains, and maybe stomach cramps.
The physical is nothing to SWIM. The mental is the killer. Anxiety and depression are the worst. That feeling of being unable to be happy even when SWIM is doing something he LOVES drives him crazy. The insomnia is a pain too, but this can be alleviated with dramamine or antihistamines.
SWIM is just terrified that he'll never be normal again and that he'll have to deal with anxiety and depression for months or years. SWIM needs to stop now because SWIM is raising his niece and nephew and they NEED SWIM.
SWIM knows what to expect when he stops - but for how long? SWIM is very afraid right now and doesn't want to live in hell or hate being alive. Can someone please help?
