Aww you did not let us down.
So, a couple of things. One thing - you say people don't care when you share with them that you are not doing well so you don't bother. Do they actually say this to you? Do you have some expectation when you talk to them and they don't meet it (I'm learning to lower my expectations, myself). Is this your perception or reality? Do you assume they don't want to hear it?
Do you call someone when you are going to pick up a drink? What I did differently when I wanted to pick up last time was call three people, the last being my sponsor and drove straight to a meeting. I had to be honest and just tell them that I wanted to drink.
Do you have a sponsor and are you working the steps?
btw - 43 days is incredible. You can do this if you pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and keep talking to us and others.