Made it to 43 days. Now drinking again. Can't believe I'm actually sharing this. Feel like I let down all the people on SR that has been helping me. To be honest, I had a feeling this day was coming. Everything that helped me to stay sober, going to AA, posting/reading on SR, reminding myself what a mess I was and how much work it took me to get this far, and realizing how much better things are now, just seemed to be slowly losing its effectiveness. Don't know why. People on this forum always say that something must be missing for someone to pick up again, but I don't know what that can be. I have managed in the past to drink for one or two days, than quit, but this is rare. Usually, I end up blowing a week or two. I'd rather be dead than go through that again. Most of the time, I don't share with people if I am not doing well. My experience with this is that most of the time, people really don't want to hear it, don't care, or think I am making a big thing out of nothing. No offense to AA, I think it is a fantastic organization, but I've shared my concerns there and it rarely helps. The typical answer is that I have to try harder, or there is just silence. So here I am sharing this news with all of you. Hope everybody is doing well. Take care.
