lillamy

Well, you've come to the right place. A lot of us -- if not most of us -- are like that. And you know, there's nothing wrong with finding good in people. The issue is when we, like you say, do it to our own detriment. I know I've done that. Not just with the alcoholic I married, but also with friends, relatives, coworkers, bosses...

I sometimes wonder if we spend too much time teaching our kids how to be polite and helpful, and too little on guarding their own integrity? I know I didn't learn how to deal with emotions until I was in Al-Anon. Until then, I thought emotions signalled what I needed to do -- if I felt guilty about saying no to someone, I thought it was because it was wrong of me to say no. It's taken me a long time to figure out that feelings are just feelings, and I can't base my decisions on them.