well looks like you are at the same place im at too
ive grown rather fond of my little crazy train analogy... i literally envision myself taking that ticket and boarding that crazy train.. OR refusing the ticket and sticking to my little platform and let the train depart without me. Having a "mentally" visible place aka my platform.. i have options: i can turn around and walk into the little kiosk that "sells" all sorts of things, from hot showers, reading books, picking up my crochet hooks, grabbing my camera to take a photo, playing with one of the animals to wrapping up in a blanket and having a good old cry.. or, if i cant face those options, i can leave the kiosk and stroll up and down the platform.. if im careful, i can see other people (read that as you two) waiting and clinging to the sane place.. i can be brave and talk to you, i can just read/listen.. i can ask you "how is your day going" or i can moan about my day.
Another option i found was a little telephone booth that gave me access to outside help.. no, i couldnt actually tell my psychiatrist what was wrong, but i could write it down for him and hand it over with shaking hands.. and he could respond by changing my meds...
Some days i even see an exit door.. its far down the line of my platform, but it is there.. right now, im not ready to walk that far and go through that door to leave the trainstation.. but one day i will.. and on that day, all will become clear and i will either walk through that door, head held high on my own or i will be walking through it hand in hand with my AH (who by then should be a RAH)...
But, today is today... today im taking a seat on the platform and watch the train come and go at regular intervals, today im strolling up and down the platform, talking to you and keeping myself safe.