I think that a very good companion resource for understanding 4th step stuff would be Byron Katie's work. She has talks where she helps people work through difficult things in their lives, step by step. A lot of those talks are recorded, and I'll try to find a few that involve people being judged by partners or family members...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rW3fVfdbA7w
Pay attention to the way she talks about the thoughts and reactions of the lady she's helping. Can you apply any of that to your own life? I have found it to be very powerful.