Back at it. Off the wagon again.
This will sound like whining and it probably is. Well I did 60 days clean and sober then thought I could manage and handle my drinking. I realize I am spinning out of control again and doing stupid irresponsible things like having unprotected sex and random "hook ups" with strangers in black-out state. I'm frequenting bars again and drinking heavily again.
Humiliating myself is drunken states like an idiot and having people use me and treat me like garbage. I don't know what is going to happen but I'm drinking again and hate the stupid choices I make and things I say but crave alcohol.
I'm a real chronic alcoholic suffering from alcoholism. I've blacked out twice this week. I think I am going to a meeting tonight for the first time I am so tired of this cycle.
Sorry for complaining and whining I feel isolated, alone and confused with nobody to talk to. This is getting ridiculous.