I keep thinking about this whole closure thing too. I think Lillamy is absolutely right, it is about us getting the other to admit and acknowledge that we were right, they were the problem, their drinking was a problem, etc....and that to me says we are still wanting control over the situation. It goes along with wondering as some of us do...how can they just walk away as if we don't matter, how can they move on to another, as if we don't matter, its horrible to realize we matter so little to those we have loved so much. I have no idea, I mean truly, no idea how I will ever get over what has happened and yes, it would tremendously help if he acknowledged his behavior...but it will never happen. I know he is blaming me, they always blame us because gee...it couldn't be because of them could it, and I know its because of the drinking or he is just crazy...or both. I know one day he will most likely realize what he did..and even if he doesn't, it really doesn't matter. I have to move forward. Being stuck on the idea of him finally getting it, or finally saying sorry, or whatever...it just shows you are still embroiled in the codependency and trying to control the situation. If I am wrong, someone please correct me here. I don't think anyone ever gets closure in the train wreck of relationships with alcoholics. We have to just pick ourselves up and try to stand on our own wobbly legs again, taking one slow step at a time away from it all. They get to stay stuck in the drama and chaos, so their world likely doesn't change much, even if the players in it do when the addict finds new enablers. They get the easy path I think.
As Lillamy said, your own acceptance of its ending needs to be enough. I am starting to believe and understand that apologies and the acceptance of accountability from a half crazy alcoholic doesn't matter worth a **** and I would be better off focusing on my new start in life....freedom, my kids, and the rest of the 50 or 60 years I will be on this planet. I chose to walk away from him...and now I get to choose to shut the door on his ******** and move on.