EveningRose

LOL, yeah, me, too. In all seriousness, I struggled with suicidal thoughts during high school. AMAZINGLY....(or not so much) they went away when I left for college. When I used to drive across country to bring the kids to visit their grandparents, I had times I would literally feel that black cloud of suicidal depression drop back within TEN MINUTES of arriving.

This was a strong thought of mine just yesterday, due to some other circumstances in my life--the realization of how very much my father's 'generosity' was really puppet strings, how when I wouldn't continue being the target of bad behavior, I was told in no uncertain terms that I would come to visit before 6 pm New Year's Eve or I would forfeit my (quite hefty) Christmas check.

In retrospect, it's become sad, funny in some respects, and even pathetic. I've found I can earn my living and manage my money quite well on my own. I may just end up doing better than my father in life (who obviously did well enough to leverage money against us.) And this is where the pity comes in: that's all he knew, as far as having a relationship with his own children, to try to control and threaten, to try to convince us we couldn't handle life without his help. So now he has his money. In the end, my siblings will get a little more because I have no doubt already been cut out of the will (wait, he's more powerful than God, he's never going to die, so he hasn't written a will....oh well.) But there they are with their money. I don't think they're happy.

That probably wandered off into a tangent, but there are my thoughts on the matter.