Kiki,
Check out Carl Jung's idea of spirituality and his connection to AA. Maybe his wider view can help you?
Carl Jung - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
I think Love is a wonderful answer! You don't have to have everything figured out in the first few days. I started the steps last May and took a break after the first two. I spent a lot of time thinking on 3 and finally remembered a vision I had once and knew that was my answer. This therapist poured oil on my third eye and I had a vision. Pretty wild! I was raised Catholic so did not not expect such a response to chakra stimulation. But having an open mind really never hurt me.
Another book I found very interesting is The Happiness Hypothesis. It took me awhile to read, but it covers centuries of human experience and boils it down to an equation. Really quite elegant.
I wish you peace and that you find some harmony.
PS I do not kneel!