Originally Posted by
MnEman 
what everyone is saying is you need a plan and support to break the cycle of addiction/quitting/relapse. You seem to realize you have a serious problem, but you still want everything your way, which doesn't seem to serve you well. I would encourage you to look at your motivations for being so suspicious of AA. It is really just groups of people sharing their experience, strength and hope. Sure there are some different flavors of meetings, and not all are going to appeal to everyone. If you want to quit drinking and get your life back, AA can help if you let it.
peace
I am not suspicious of AA - I thought I had said that when I lived in a city I had been to a couple of meetings but they were not for me. I am not good with people, especially strangers in a strange place. And now I live in the middle of nowhere where there are no AA meetings and I do not have a car so it would involve a lot of public transport.
But AA was not for me. I am sure it has helped thousands of people but it was not for me and I definitely could never cope with all the traveling and changing buses etc especially as I know that I just could not sit in a strange room with strangers as I am really not good with people and being very hard of hearing does not help matters much.
Writing this is helping me. Yes I know I could write a blog and keep it to myself, at least I think I could, but that would not help as nobody would be able to read it. Just knowing that you all are reading what I write is, at the moment, what really is helping me.
So far since I started this thread I am still doing OK. I keep thinking that I want a drink but am telling myself that I do not need one therefore I do not want one. It is being able to write this that is telling me not to go out and buy any more.
Just so difficult not to give in but if I can go just another day then that is all I can do each day.