NotABeaver

Who would have known?

~4 months ago I registered under a pseudonym and posted about my self-destructive behaviour and suicidal/homicidal thoughts. I wrote some pretty crazy stuff about thoughts I just couldn't shake out of my head (enough to prove the NSA doesn't track me personally, or I would have been locked away for sure).. I used drugs to escape reality after quitting drinking last year but from listening to everyone here and on YouTube I finally gave my head a shake and told myself.. "Quit before you lose what little you have left, you self-absorbed depressed piece of ****". Well I had been telling myself that for a good year but got nowhere, I hated what I did to my body and I knew that chasing the dragon wasn't a good idea and getting high was never worth it.

So one day I just f^$king did it, I got rid of my phone, alienated myself from nearly everyone in my life and made myself a prisoner in my own room outside of life's few truly necessary actions. I quit smoking cigarettes on the same day, I truly had enough and deep down I knew logically that life is much simpler than I made it out to be. I knew withdrawals would suck ass but I also knew it would only get easier and that being sober would empower me and it would only get easier, I believe all users know this deep down. The first day was terrible, day two wasn't much better but at least I could tell myself.. "You did it, you made it 24hrs without self-sabotaging yourself" .. This was the turning point and the morning of day three I knew i'd be sober for the rest of my life.

So here I am, I was sitting here listening to some edm and came to an astounding realization.. I haven't been this happy or healthy in nearly a decade. I can legitimately smile and experience euphoria without drugs, that feeling is incredibly empowering and the rush is truly unmatched by any drug on this planet. I'm thankful for the experiences and lessons that I learnt while being an addict and wouldn't have it any other way. I finally love my life and everyone in it.