Been there done that, I know the feelings of shame, guilt and the panic attacks all too well let this post be a tool for you, read it the next time you're tempted to throw in the towel. You had 4 months of sobriety that's a great achievement - don't beat yourself up. The only way that time goes down the drain is if you continue to use. Learn something from it, take it easy on yourself. We are all human and make mistakes.