i just seem to be running with a broken gearbox i think and im stuck in 2nd gear all the time..
i know (from reading here and the codie books) that it's "normal" to be like this, but i dont seem to find the tools to move on.. im stuck in this perpetual "i should be HAPPY" sort of thing, then start comparing, counting what i have and then get mad at myself for NOT being happy, though i dont even know what "happy" feels like anymore.. or if this neutral, disconnect is what other ppl call happy
argh im not even making sense to myself anymore.. but there is noone i can bounce any of this off on to get some sane feedback. and with that im back to "maybe i am insane" after all *sigh*