Originally Posted by SierraRose

Dear everyone that replied.
I take on board your comments, from the gentle to upfront. Thank You!
its been 24 hours since I visited this forum , turns out he actually did not drink last night, he simply needed a sleep in on his first day off in a while.
proud of him there, but the fact remains- I was concerned and distrustful, ad it is no way to have a relationship.
Several times today he asked why I was "off and distant" its very hard to just end it... (my weakness- I have no bitch mode) we went the beach, had a swim, did some gardening together- we planted a garden in the last few months and tend it with pleasure and he later on during the day began to feed of my distance" and get a bit stroppy.
All I have told his parents, is point blank, I refuse to ever move in with him- not even on the table.. Dating is different, but still quite difficult to end with no "current" good reason.... as far as I know he has not drunk for a week or so.... I guess he is trying and I feel slack.
Part of me still wants to enjoy the good times, and ignore the bad. I am so proud apparently when he was wanting to date me- he went cold turkey on a10 year weed habit and had successfully put himself off other drugs.
As far as I know he is clean on those, and for that his parents have thanked me endlessly- and him as he says I am the reason he does not want to go back- he sees life and freedom from not being bound by the dugs.
So yes, this is my journey- please do not think that because have not "ended" it today, that I am dismissing your collective wisdom, and I am not the person who you can preach endlessly to and be ignored. I do realise it I not suitable for a long term relationship at all.. and short term.. well. as said.. a journey I am looking for the least painful exit off this road.