lillamy

I'm not an ACOA, but my children are. I usually post in the Friends & Family of Alcoholics section, but I wanted to pick your brains over here a bit about how growing up with an alcoholic parent has affected your relationships -- with friends as well as partners.

I think part of the answer is probably similar to what I as a codependent ex-wife see in myself (trust issues, not always able to identify red flags) but I believe some things are unique to having grown up with an alcoholic parents.

So here's what I see in and hear from my kids (all teens):
"She doesn't have any other friends and I want to prove to her that she is worthy of having friends, that she's a sweet person, and that people can love her."
"Everyone else hates her and calls her a b***h but she's not, and I want people to see that."
"I've told her again and again that I won't put up with her lying to me" (still continues the friendship even though friend keeps lying)
"Normal people don't understand me."
"I don't have anything in common with normal people."
"I hate those blonde girls in their skinny jeans and uggs, they just walk around school JUDGING everyone."

What I see is my children choosing relationships and friendships with other broken people. My daughter says "I feel good about myself when I can help someone else" -- even though it affects her negatively.

Can you tell me about your friendships/relationships, and what you have done to overcome whatever tendencies you may have or have had to get into codependent/dysfunctional relationships?